Little Green (Dustbin) Bag

I have recently been introduced to the shopping site 'Bag Servant' and what a delicious (and potentially dangerous) place it is to spend a lunch hour.  From Biba to Balenciaga and Radley to Ralph Lauren it's got the lot, and best of all you can try them on thanks to a neat bit of technology.  I am thoroughly enjoying mentally spending money on all sorts of goodies even though I know I can only afford the sale stock.

And it's a good thing that I can't afford the high-end candy because my own relationship with handbags goes thus:

I buy one and promise faithfully that I will not let this one turn into a portable dustbin.  I momentarily covet and care for it and then I end up putting it down in some kind of puddle in the playground / at soft play (see What a Girl Wants for more on that) thereby spoiling the leather and breaking the seal on keeping my bag well cared for.

The last bag this happened to is (what was) a very lovely butter-smooth purple leather tote with silky cream lining that smelt like heaven and appeared to answer my need for a bag that would carry my laptop but still look great.  The first thing I did was over-stuff it when trying to take everything as carry-on for a business trip which resulted in a rivet popping off and one of the tags breaking.  I then put it down when taking the children trampolining; failing to spot the orange juice that had been spilled on the floor and so adding a nice dark patch to the bottom in the process.  Because of my carelessness the outside looks a little care-worn but what of the inside?

Not my bag

Well, I was hoping it might be as organised as the 'My Mummy's Bag' book that I recently bought which is full of lovely pull-out cardboard pieces that reflects what a working mother might have in her handbag (laptop, hanky, keys, mobile, picture of the children, lists of things to do, lipstick, and in a nice touch, a leopard print shoe just like the ones I have).   I bought it for my daughter as I thought is vaguely reflected what my day is like and she enjoys pretending to go off to work.  But it is a lie.




My bag is nothing like that example of organised womanhood.  Here's what is actually in it:

Now this is a real 'mummy's bag'

• A wallet stuffed with receipts, cards, photos of the children and - in a rare state of affairs - some money!
• Boots Double Points vouchers that I will never use on mascara because they all get spent on Calpol.
• Debenhams Beauty Club statement which has £3.29 on it because my shopping there is now restricted to children's pants and pyjamas.
• An old-school multi-coloured biro.  Red, Green, Blue, and Black all in one pen!!
• My old phone, because I can't be arsed to find a proper place for it / put it in the recycling pot.
• Free crayons from children's meals at Camp Hopson of Newbury - one of two reasons the children love going there.  The other is it has an old-fashioned fundraising box in the shape of a 3ft bear.  God knows how old it is but I hope they don't plan to remove it or I'll end up having to buy it off them.
• One giant 'flump' which did not make it back into the bag.
• A little bit of Clarins darling (I do make an effort sometimes)
• One long orange balloon.
• A mouse.  For a computer.  Although from the hole in one of the inside pockets it is possible that a live mouse has been in there.  Perhaps after the unidentifiable crumbs in the very bottom - don't say that you haven't got any lurking in the bottom of your bag!
• It didn't contain my keys.  I never know where they are, it is my morning sport to try and find them.

I tipped the bag out, took a picture and (giant flump aside) put it all back in.  It is a portable dustbin once again.  I know I should be sorting, decanting, organising and throwing away but it just comes back.  So I'm going to use this as a public forum to ask Bag Servant to add a new service - one that turns your portable dustbin back into a beautiful bag.  No?  Oh well, I'll just have to find myself a new one but this time I promise to look after it!

Soundtrack: Little Green Bag by George Baker