Jamie Oliver Set My Kitchen on Fire

Jamie Oliver, you, sir, are a liar!

LIES, DAMN LIES!!

You made me start a kitchen fire
I'm not sure when it was you dreamt
Someone just like me could attempt
Half an hour for three courses - I'm on to you
I didn't even try for two

I went for just one thing to eat
A pizza designed for "a cheat"
But Jamie do you think you can
Picture adding oil to a "very hot" pan
It will send up a sheet of flame

This is what I actually got..

That seems impossible to tame

My stuffing-face-with-pizza desire
Is replaced by a need to extinguish fire
I put it out with a wet towel
And then my stomach began to growl..
The pan was ruined, and nothing was eaten
Your recipe left me hungry and beaten

Oh Jamie, how I do despise
Your beautifully presented book of lies
And though you want to preserve my health
I'm placing you back on the shelf
My attitude may make you frown
But at least my house will not burn down

***

Footnote: this is a true story.  You can read the blog post that inspired this poem here