A Networking Christmas

Is Christmas making you queasy?
Are festivities making you frown?
Athena makes gift shopping easy

And avoids all the trauma of town

Buy your brother-in-law a nice back rub
Buy your aunty an intimate wax

Treat the family to a great photoshoot
Help your in-laws to sort out their tax

Book a mindfulness course for your mother
Or a dream holiday for next year
Take some reiki to help you recover
Have some coaching to help your mind clear

Train your canine to become a "good dog"
Train yourself into feeling more strong
Help your husband to learn how to cha-cha
Get a workout to fit in your thong

You can outsource your post-Christmas clutter
Free that neck nerve that somehow got trapped
Outsource dinner, pretend that you made it
Get your presents professionally wrapped

We have so many talents between us
So much that we're able to do
Here's to the ladies of Athena
A very happy Christmas to you!

This poem was inspired by the ladies of the West Berkshire Athena Network - thank you for your support, friendship and endless gift ideas :D

Freedom

I missed my own anniversary.  My business anniversary that is; my wedding anniversary is seared into my brain like a brand on a juicy piece of steak because it is a bona fide reason to call on the in-laws to babysit overnight so we can enjoy a night away and a lie-in (children steal your lie-ins forever, that's a fact).  Anyway, I had missed my business anniversary but thanks to the power of LinkedIn, a flurry of messages over the past couple of days have informed me that:

Five years ago I ditched my corporate career

This makes it sound like I threw it out of a moving car (which I would quite happily have done on more than one occasion - and then backed the car up and run it over for good measure.  And then got out of the car and stamped on it.) but in actual fact it was a planned move.  I had decided to go, sought advice, put a (kind of) financial plan in place and then gone to become a "freelancer".  

A freelance what?

Initially I started out offering Alliance Management consultancy because I was good at helping businesses to figure out how to work with Microsoft.  I still do it a little bit, in subtler ways but something happened that I wasn't expecting, and it took me in an entirely different direction to the way I thought I was going to go.

Blog off  

This very blog that I started writing to celebrate my freedom got picked up by Cosmopolitan and then people started asking me if I would consider blogging for them.  And then I started ghost writing for people who simply didn't have the time to write the stuff that they kept getting told they should be putting out there - funnily enough thought leaders and captains of industry are often too busy to spend three hours at a keyboard crafting content.  And because of this, I started getting asked to write other stuff - web copy, eShots, LinkedIn profiles, even poetry for events and off-sites.  

Write on

And the more I wrote, the more I got asked to write.  Luxury brands, small businesses, start-ups, charities and individuals all asked if I'd give them a hand. 

Some days I write about skin aesthetics, others about cloud computing.  The day I had to write both a white paper and a best man's speech was a pretty interesting one.  Every day I get a proper writer's work out, and there's nothing like flexing your writing muscle to make you want to write more.

Lessons Learned

And at the same time that all this was going on I was getting a chance to properly put into play all the things that the corporate training courses that I had attended told me about - especially in the realms of managing cash flow and profitability.  The training was right but the context was wrong.  The theory of running your own P&L is wonderful in helping you understand your customers but it's not until you actually run your own that you really get it (especially that first time you realise that you didn't save enough for your tax bill...).

Tales of the unexpected

Quite aside from the fantastic thing that was realising I had carved my own career as a writer (thus proving my English teacher right - just 20+ years after her initial assertion that I should "do something" with my writing), the past five years have included publishing three books, becoming a trustee of a fantastic charity and making some tentative steps into stand-up comedy, all of which have made a massively positive impact on my life and all of which I don't think I would have had the courage (or time, let's be honest) to try when I was still employed by a corporate.

What's next?

If I've learned anything over the past five years, it's that the best thing about freelancing is in the name - being free.  Free to make choices and mistakes, free to take risks and opportunities, free to create your own definition of success.  Free to decide to spend a day doing stuff that you have chosen to do.  And it's because of this freedom that I can't say for sure what will happen over the next five years - who knows what ripple in my life the next decision will create.  Whatever happens - I'm glad I took that first step.  Happy Anniversary indeed!

Soundtrack: Freedom! '90 by George Michael

Get Through It

What a week to be a working parent.  The children are hanging on by their fingertips to get to tomorrow when 1.30pm brings the end of school and the official start of Christmas.  They are puffy-eyed, over tired and bordering on hysteria with what next week will bring.  The curriculum has gone out of the window to be replaced (much to the children's delight) with dvd-watching, clearing out cupboards and a nativity that for all its beauty (and the best camel outfits ever to grace a church) sounded like a doctor's waiting room such was the level of coughing.  Book bags spill over with Christmas cards and sweetie wrappers as the healthy eating policy gets crushed under a sea of Quality Street from the teachers.

We are Wolves

And while they're at school I'm still working to pre-Christmas deadlines whilst accepting deliveries, sending cards and adding ever more to the festive food list - the closer we get to the 'Big Day' the bigger our appetites get - we are wolves, salivating at the thought of turkey and upping our cheese intake to make sure we at least eat something with the bottle of port waiting patiently in the cupboard.

Now where *is* that
last tree chocolate?

Sunday Best

I am trying so hard to be focused but there is part of me wishing these next couple of days away.  I'm eager to join the children in their revelry, up for letting my hair down and dreaming of those few days when I point blank refuse to do any washing.  Let the jeans and t-shirts fester in the basket, we shall wear our Sunday Best to breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I can't wait until nothing but the next game of UNO and trying to find a tree chocolate matter, and to savour that moment of giggling and shushing on Christmas Eve when we sneak the presents under the tree.  They say Christmas is just for children but I know different.

Knackered

And it's not just me - the playground is full of parents who are knackered.  We too are puffy-eyed, over tired and bordering on hysteria.  We too are hanging on by our fingertips before we can take time off; empathising and encouraging each other to give it one last push before we run out whooping and yelling into the December air - we can taste time off and it tastes like Christmas.  So come on grown-ups, one deep breath and just a few more days to go - we can get through it.

Merry Christmas everybody!


Soundtrack: Tender by Blur

Lost in Translation

Part of my day job is delivering training courses.  It's something that I started doing after becoming a freelancer and is one of my favourite things to do as it plays to my love of standing up in front of a crowd (see Tonight Matthew....) and helping other people.  It also offers the opportunity for new and interesting experiences like the time I delivered a course in Prague.

I had a class of 25 people from 7 different countries to train, all of whom spoke English as their second language.  We calculated that between them they spoke 13 different languages - and I spoke just the one.  It was nerve-wracking at first but with some patience, willingness, and good humour, we spent the first day together discussing the finer points of financial statements and I went back to the hotel feeling it had been a good job, well done.

With the evening to myself and the hotel boasting a gym and pool I thought I'd head downstairs for a swim.  The guy on reception informed me that there was an aqua aerobics class taking place but that I didn't have to participate if I didn't want to.  I only wanted to do a few lengths but the 'pool' as it turned out was only 10 meters long and full of women waiting for their workout to begin.  As I couldn't very well hop on an exercise bike in my swimming costume without causing hilarity or offence, and as the aqua aerobics instructor was motioning for me to take an empty spot between two depressingly attractive Czech ladies I had no choice but to join in.

Tables now turned from the day's training, I had to rely on reading the instructors movements to tell me precisely how I was supposed to combine the floats, weights, and arm and leg movements to exercise without drowning myself.  He stood poolside, shouting instructions in Czech and showing us what we were supposed to be doing.  The challenge (apart from the language barrier) was that he was on 'dry land' and we were in the pool so when we were supposed to be lifting two legs, he could only lift one.  Once I caught on to this fact things started to go a little better and the rest of the lesson passed without incident or embarrassment.

Impromptu aerobics over with I thought I'd treat myself to a sauna but what I had failed to remember is that we in the UK are a somewhat uptight nation and of course, the way you sauna throughout the rest of Europe is in the nude.  All I can say is thank heavens for glass doors as it afforded me the opportunity to see the occupants and make a quick swerve away from the door with a look of mild alarm on my face rather than entering a sauna full of butt-naked people.  The swerve did not go unnoticed however, and through that one movement and without a word spoken I was saying "I AM BRITISH AND I DO NOT SAUNA IN MY BIRTHDAY SUIT!". 

Think this was the last of my communication challenges that day?  Think again.... 



The presenter's friend

After having some dinner and returning to my room I thought I'd check my presentation slides for the following day.  Now, one of the most useful items you can have as a presenter or trainer is a 'clicker'.  It gives you the freedom to move about the room and control the presentation rather than having to stay at your laptop.  It is a key piece of equipment for me and as I was wondering up and down my hotel room practising, the clicker stopped working.  Not good.  I figured out that it had run out of juice and so called reception to explain that I specifically needed two AAA batteries.  They said they would check and duly called me back to say 'yes, they did have some and would I like to come down and collect them?'.  I dashed down, the receptionist handed them over and said I was very lucky as they were the last two and then gave me a bit of a funny look that involved a half-smile and a raised eyebrow.  I smiled broadly, thanked her profusely and then skipped off back to my room. And then I realised what that funny look was for.  It was 10.00pm and I had dashed down to reception to collect some AAA batteries and been really happy about getting them.  I didn't tell her I had a broken clicker - but that look on her face told me exactly what she thought the batteries were for.....

You can Say What You Want

Arriving at the Awards

On Thursday night I went to the Cosmo Blog Awards in London to find out if I had won in the Next sponsored 'Best Newcomer' category.  From thousands of entries I was short listed as one of the final 15 and, suitably excited and dressed up, I headed to London Town.

The evening started with me walking into the Three Tuns, a pub around the corner from the venue (the Rose Club on Orchard Street, in case you're interested).  It was heaving with people having post-work drinks, slaking their thirst before the journey home or settling in for an evening of sherbets and shenanigans.  There is something about going into a pub in London at 5.30pm that to me is very thrilling, in a way that the same drinks in say, Reading or Slough would not be - can't think why.... Anyway, amongst all the suits I spotted two ladies who looked from their outfits like they were headed to the same place as me, so I grabbed a beer and wondered over to them to say 'hi'.

Goody Goody Yum Yum

Luckily for me I was right - they were two lovely fellow bloggers Miss Budget Beauty and Dolce Vanity.  We formed a trio, hung out for the evening and when Dolce Vanity was announced as the winner in the Best Established Beauty Blog category it was fantastic to celebrate with her.  As it turned out she was the only one of the three of us to walk away with a prize but I had a great night and tottered home with a goodie bag that was chock full of rather nice things.


I met lots of new people, made some good connections, and have since spent some time reading a few more of the shortlisted blogs as well as catching up on some old favourites.  The range of topics is incredible with some people sharing pretty much every waking moment of their lives and others specialising in one field.  What really stands out in their writing is not product reviews, fashion tips or best cupcake (oh when are we going to be free of the damn things!) recipes, but when they speak from the heart about things that are important to them.  I have read moving accounts about mental health, hilarious posts on childbirth and passionate pleas for us to be kinder to one another.  It's not all ultra-earnest either.  One of my favourite blogs is from a shepherd who runs team building events built around herding sheep. 

Pretty much everyone of these blog authors feel absolutely free to write about whatever they like - something I only felt confident to do after becoming a freelancer but something I now wish I'd started sooner.  Former colleagues have said to me that they would love to blog too but don't think they can whilst being part of a corporate so until they're 'free' they won't write at all and what a shame.  I know so many interesting, funny, smart people and a whole host of them are locking this part of themselves away but until when?  There are books, poems and posts unwritten, ideas for podcasts left in the sock drawer of someone's mind and paintings that never make it onto a canvas.  Someone I spoke to recently about publishing options told me that the most interesting thing about me had been that I used to work for Microsoft (oh dear..) but (and thank Christ for this!) it is my writing that is now my most interesting asset.  

I am very proud of my career but don't want it to be my defining quality - how sad would it be to be remembered or known only for the company you work for?  So if you have got a writer within or an artist hiding away in your heart - don't keep them trapped under a corporate bushel - let them out!

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Soundtrack: Say What You Want by Texas

Paid in Full

No, I don't understand it either

I'm willing to wager that people who design pay and incentive plans for large businesses do not have children, or if they do, they can't get them to make their beds. 

Before becoming a freelancer my 'package' was made up of salary, and a bonus plan so complex that it required knowledge of database technology to find out what deals you had been paid on.  Add to that an annual review with a scoring system of 1-5, and the requirement to complete CBI's, KPI's and meet an RBI, and you can understand why many people thought it was SH.....I'll let you complete the rest. 


Compare this to encouraging a child to get themselves ready in the morning.  During a conversation with some friends (as mentioned in the Because You're Worth it post), one remarked how her children aged 7 and 4 not only made their beds but also tidied their rooms, made breakfast and got themselves dressed without complaining - they may be dressed in a tutu, a t-shirt, and a pair of their dad's socks, but they did it by themselves.  She achieved this through the well-worn tactic of a reward chart and pocket money.  The rest of us mused on the fact that we had become incredibly slack and resolved to make some changes in our own homes.

Easy Peasy!

Summer holiday out of the way, we decided to go for it and already the children are doing a list of things that historically would have taken much nagging to achieve.  Our daughter loves being in charge of making breakfast and our son is constantly asking what else he can do to get more stars.  They're even putting their clothes in the washing basket which is something that not all of the adults in the house achieve.....

Going through this reward process has made me realise that there are times as adults in business when we allow ourselves to be treated like a lab rat: made to carry out increasingly complicated (and often, meaningless) tasks in order to receive a reward whilst someone else watches over us.  Coming away from that environment means that I avoid the headache that is an annual review conducted in algebra, plus I have a true sense of the value and worth of the work that I do for my clients.  

It feels like a proper, grown up way to conduct business and it certainly motivates me to work harder than any incentive plan ever did.  I'm not saying that businesses need to set up sticker charts in their offices and treat their employees as children, but I do think that more companies should start treating their staff as adults when it comes to getting paid.


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Postscript: Today's title comes courtesy of Eric B & Rakim - watch it here