Thursday, 10 May 2012

(Not so) Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny

Sunday is 'Family Swim Day' in our house and so this weekend we undertook the familiar routine of scraping back hair, putting on sloppy clothes and travelling to the local pool.

Having had two children my bikini years are long gone but I found it's bigger sister; the 'Tankini', a more forgiving item of swimwear offering good coverage whilst suggesting that I still take a degree of interest in my appearance.

Unfortunately the tankini in my bag was meant more for lounging poolside than swimming and my careless habit of slinging it in the wash with everything else meant it had finally given up the ghost - the bottoms would hold up no more. With no desire to reveal my grooming habits to the entire pool and two children threatening disobedience on an apocolyptic scale if they could not have their weekly splashabout, I knew I would have to buy my way out of the situation.

Rail after rail of Zoggs and Speedo swimwear decorated the walls at the pool's shop. Sensible, racer-back, full coverage items in dark colours with the occassional neon line thrown in for fun. This was not a place for trends, it was for proper swimmers, who can do a decent front crawl without filling their nasal passages with chlorine and other people's wee.

After a short period of trying things on in the disabled toilet, which the children informed me 'smelled of old people', I made my selection and headed into the pool. And was instantly converted.

For years I had struggled to avoid things riding up, riding down, spilling out, or being exposed by the children as they half-drowned me by hanging onto any body part they could reach. Suddenly I was able to join in properly, get knocked about by the wave machine and go down the slide with everything staying in its rightful place.

So hurrah for my first 'proper' swimsuit - you might not be sexy but I sure as hell love you!


Postscript: I shall make it my life's work to ensure this attitude does not extend to my shoes. As long as I have feet the heels stay!

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