And it's a good thing that I can't afford the high-end candy because my own relationship with handbags goes thus:
I buy one and promise faithfully that I will not let this one turn into a portable dustbin. I momentarily covet and care for it and then I end up putting it down in some kind of puddle in the playground / at soft play (see What a Girl Wants for more on that) thereby spoiling the leather and breaking the seal on keeping my bag well cared for.
The last bag this happened to is (what was) a very lovely butter-smooth purple leather tote with silky cream lining that smelt like heaven and appeared to answer my need for a bag that would carry my laptop but still look great. The first thing I did was over-stuff it when trying to take everything as carry-on for a business trip which resulted in a rivet popping off and one of the tags breaking. I then put it down when taking the children trampolining; failing to spot the orange juice that had been spilled on the floor and so adding a nice dark patch to the bottom in the process. Because of my carelessness the outside looks a little care-worn but what of the inside?
|Not my bag|
My bag is nothing like that example of organised womanhood. Here's what is actually in it:
|Now this is a real 'mummy's bag'|
- A wallet stuffed with receipts, cards, photos of the children and - in a rare state of affairs - some money!
- Boots Double Points vouchers that I will never use on mascara because they all get spent on Calpol.
- Debenhams Beauty Club statement which has £3.29 on it because my shopping there is now restricted to children's pants and pyjamas.
- An old-school multi-coloured biro. Red, Green, Blue, and Black all in one pen!!
- My old phone, because I can't be arsed to find a proper place for it / put it in the recycling pot.
- Free crayons from children's meals at Camp Hopson of Newbury - one of two reasons the children love going there. The other is it has an old-fashioned fundraising box in the shape of a 3ft bear. God knows how old it is but I hope they don't plan to remove it or I'll end up having to buy it off them.
- One giant 'flump' which did not make it back into the bag.
- A little bit of Clarins darling (I do make an effort sometimes)
- One long orange balloon.
- A mouse. For a computer. Although from the hole in one of the inside pockets it is possible that a live mouse has been in there. Perhaps after the unidentifiable crumbs in the very bottom - don't say that you haven't got any lurking in the bottom of your bag!
- It didn't contain my keys. I never know where they are, it is my morning sport to try and find them.
I tipped the bag out, took a picture and (giant flump aside) put it all back in. It is a portable dustbin once again. I know I should be sorting, decanting, organising and throwing away but it just comes back. So I'm going to use this as a public forum to ask Bag Servant to add a new service - one that turns your portable dustbin back into a beautiful bag. No? Oh well, I'll just have to find myself a new one but this time I promise to look after it!
Soundtrack: Little Green Bag by George Baker