Wednesday, 5 August 2015

Fights with Tights

Now *that's* a ladder!
Tights that are too small
According to the packet I'm not too tall
According to the packet I'm not too wide
But the tights that have been stuffed inside...

Do not fit me, in the way they should
They're from John Lewis - they ought to be good!
With every move, the waistband slips
Eventually stopping just on my hips

The gusset now sits by my knees
Who the hell is designing these?!
I attempt again, heel and toe
To coax them up my leg but no

They're somehow twisted, the fit is not right
You bloody cursed, stupid tight!
I hoik them up as I lose my rag
Then ladder the front, and they start to sag

They're supposed to be "10 denier - nude"
But in actual fact my 'look' is screwed
I'll have to go bare legged today
And hope I don't scare children away

So if by some chance we should meet
When I am walking down the street
And I blind you with my lily-whites
Please don't blame me - please blame the tights

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