If you're a lover of colourful language
If you're in awe of the double entendre
If you're mad about men wearing make-up
And you're wild about waving a wand
Then you need a seat at the panto
Where the sexiest woman's a man
Where the lead boy is often a lady
But be careful if you take your gran....
Every other line is innuendo
Every innocent item is rude
Cream horns and big baps are now filthy
Stick it in dear, we love when it's lewd!
The best lines belong to the animals
The best legs belong to the dame
And there's always an actor who makes you think
"What a minute - is that whatsisname?"
There'll be singing and shouting a plenty
Costume changes and a set piece or two
And if there's only one thing you remember
When you see the bad guy, you must BOOOOOOOOOOOOO
This poem was is dedicated to the Corn Exchange Newbury, and in particular the cast of Dick Whittington - panto at its best!